sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I see more hoeing in ur future
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