You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
