Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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