Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
