The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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