I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
