i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Randomize
