We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
