I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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