Buhtt sex?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Operation Purity has been aborted
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
