We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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