oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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