Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
