So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
