i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
