i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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