I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
