i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
