I want to have your abortion
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
