I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
