Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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