Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
