Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
