I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The adults are the big ones right?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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