Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
