He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
