I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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