I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
operation have a gay friend backfired
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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