My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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