He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Still dying that you shit outside
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
