When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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