What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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