I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
