you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
