oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
