One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Everclear isn't food dammit
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
