Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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