he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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