im holly from the hills drunk
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
