Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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