So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
