He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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