do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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