Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
