your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
