Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
