So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
