This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
