sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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