A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
