stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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